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[Wednesday
Nov 4th - 11:04 PM] |
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mood |
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 YANKEES WON THE WORLD SERIES |
] |
For the very first time in my life.. I'm going to take some time to love myself. I can't love anyone until I love myself and I can be happy being single. Two things which I have not accomplished. <3 so here I go.
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[Thursday
Oct 15th - 12:13 PM] |
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mood |
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 holy shit |
] |
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music |
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the lobby music in the hotel |
] |
I've waited 5 years to see him since he's moved away. There've been many attempts and all were failures due to whatever reason was thrown into the mix. I can't say if all those failed attempts were because of the accused reasons or if they were merely by chouce.. I'll never know nor do I care at this point. For the first time I've been given the option to come to him instead of him to me, and I have taken it. So here I am sitting in the hotel lobby I'm staying that, just a train ride away from him and I've never been more petrified in my life. I wonder if this is how he felt when the days of his flight came? I wonder if it's butterflies or my stomach turning into knots from fear of not knowing what could possibly happen within the next few hours of this day? I don't really know what to say but I'm scared. I'm anxious. I'm hopeful. I hope he recognizes me. 5 years is a really long time to have gone without seeing someone. Correspondance through a phone is a fine way of staying in touch but what would it have been like to been able to see him everyday and witness all the changes that he's endured in that time. Whatever the reason I feel that we were seperated for a purpose. We were meant to spent the last 5 years away from eachother growing, learning, accepting, becoming whoever it is that we are destined to be... but in between all the miles and the states away where the telephone line is all that could bring me close to you our love hasn't change. It's been the same love since 8th grade in Ms. D'Amato's HULA class. The same love that made my heart feel like beating again after the worst flogging in the world, granted I was too scared to leap. The same love that we share to this very day.
I'm hesitant right now. I'm too nervous to go up to my room, get ready, and walk to the metro link. When I step off that train.. are you going to be there? Will you just bail out like you've did every other time? Are you going to recognize me?
I feel like I shouldn't burden myself with all these rambling question.
I know that I'll be okay once I see you, once we see one another.
So here I am, as ready as I'll ever be.
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[Wednesday
Oct 14th - 6:55 AM] |
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mood |
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nervous |
] |
I'll be in California till Saturday with Kat
just to hang out, chill, look at some of the colleges there
and see Trevor for the first time in 5 years
Holy fuck.. idk what ta do.
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[Monday
Oct 5th - 7:54 AM] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
Monday morningzZZZzZzZzz Zz z z Z z Z z . .
Idk why I woke up this early.. well because I was going to go apply for my court appointed attourney but Idk if I have time anymore. Fuuuuck. fuck fck.
I want October 16th to hurry up and come so I can see Where The Wild Things Are. I'll eat you up, I love you so <3
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[Tuesday
Sep 8th - 10:14 PM] |
Sedona was beautiful and cleared my mind. I got everything from it that I needed to! What more could I ask for? Well.. haha I won't go into that.
I'm deciding to move, look for a new job, and sign up for cosmo school. I just really need to do something for myself. Something I've been wanting to do for a long time now. I want to get out of this god forsaken desert. There is more for me in this life and it doesn't involve anything here. At least not right now.
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ahhitsalyssa's journal